This article explores the importance of prioritizing feelings over problem-solving to better understand our needs and improve our relationships. It highlights how overthinking can trap us in unproductive mental loops, preventing effective solutions and increasing stress. Together we will explore the value of coregulation in relationships, where emotional support and connection are more crucial than mere problem-solving.
We will also discuss the benefits of mindfulness and meditation in distinguishing between thinking and feeling, ultimately enhancing our overall well-being and parenting approaches. (We’ll look more closely at parenting in an upcoming journal entry). Embracing feelings can lead to more fulfilling interactions and a balanced life. While much of this applies and is written specifically for ADHD and Autistic experiences, it pretty much holds for those with other experiences such as CPTSD, trauma, attachment wounds and well-being in general . After all, most of us are still creatures of rational thought and feelings.
Embracing feelings can lead to more fulfilling interactions and a balanced life.
The Importance of Feeling Over Problem-Solving
When trying to understand our needs, the first step is to feel our bodies rather than jumping straight into problem-solving. It’s surprising how often we go through our day without noticing our bodies. Does it sound strange? Imagine sitting at a computer for hours without realizing you’re hungry or need to use the bathroom. Many of us can spend hours at the computer, missing meals or suddenly needing to rush to the bathroom.
Overthinking vs. Feeling: Breaking the Loop
Overthinking and problem-solving are common traits. We often believe that thinking long enough will lead to a solution. However, notice the looping. Sometimes, thinking is just thinking without resolving anything. You might not find a solution for days, weeks, or even months. Often, you return to the same thoughts for years.
The Impact of Overthinking on Problem-Solving
Overthinking can significantly impact our ability to solve problems effectively. When we overthink, we tend to get stuck in a loop of repetitive thoughts without making any real progress. This mental looping can prevent us from finding solutions, as we become more focused on the act of thinking rather than taking actionable steps.
Moreover, overthinking can lead to increased stress and anxiety, which further hampers our problem-solving abilities. The constant worry and second-guessing can cloud our judgment, making it difficult to see the situation clearly and come up with practical solutions.
Additionally, overthinking often involves analyzing every possible outcome and detail, which can be overwhelming and paralyzing. This can result in decision fatigue, where we become so mentally exhausted that making even simple decisions becomes challenging.
While thinking is essential for problem-solving, overthinking can be counterproductive. It can trap us in a cycle of unproductive thoughts, increase stress, and make decision-making more difficult. To solve problems more effectively, it’s important to balance thinking with action and to be mindful of when our thoughts are becoming counterproductive.
“Overthinking can lead to increased stress and anxiety, which further hampers our problem-solving abilities.”
Emotional Insights for ADHD/Autistic Connections
The Connection Between Overthinking and ADHD/Autism
ADHD and overthinking often go hand in hand. Individuals with ADHD frequently experience racing thoughts and find it challenging to “turn off” their minds. For Autistics, the deep thinking that is associated with internal processes can also look like this. To be fair, “overthinking” is one of those labels worth reflecting on. If you are doing what you need to do, what is ‘over” about it? Perhaps it’s just enough. However, overthinking that’s described as mind-racing is never usually welcomed. It’s exhausting.
It’s dwelling excessively on thoughts, analyzing situations from multiple angles, and then there’s the indecision and never arriving at a point for satisfying action. That’s overthinking. Doing “research” for research sake. What some people think they are doing when they are on Google for hours or doom scrolling. That.
For those with AuDHD, overthinking can present as on past events or future scenarios, excessive worry about potential outcomes, and difficulty making decisions.
In the case of ADHD and Autism, this is the executive functioning aspect that we hear so much about. Our executive functions are crucial for regulating thoughts and emotions.
Autism often involves a heightened sensitivity to sensory input and a preference for routine and predictability. When routines are disrupted or when faced with uncertainty, autistic individuals may overthink as a way to regain a sense of control and predictability.
In any event, overthinking can significantly impact daily life, leading to increased stress and anxiety. Understanding these patterns can help in developing strategies to manage overthinking and improve overall well-being.
“Overthinking can be described as dwelling excessively on thoughts, analyzing situations from multiple angles playing out in indecision: Never arriving at a point for satisfying action.”
Feeling in Relationships: Coregulation and Connection
Coregulation: What is It?
Relationships aren’t always about solving problems. This mindset can affect how we interact and resolve personal issues. When discussing emotions, it’s crucial to identify our needs. Sometimes, simply talking to someone makes us feel better. This is called coregulation. Coregulation means feeling that the person is there with you, offering support and understanding. It’s not just about talking; it’s about the feeling of connection.
Decoding the Message Inside Every Feeling
Inside every feeling, there’s a message about what you need. And that message is a gift. Satisfying your needs are a way out of misery. To get what we need and convey it to others, we must feel first, not just think about feeling. Feeling and thinking are different activities that light up different parts of our brain. Others can sense this difference.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Tools for Understanding Feeling
Are you aware when you’re thinking versus feeling? Do they feel different? Meditation and mindfulness can help you know the difference. While both practices can help you relax, they offer much more in terms of relationships and overall well-being. They teach us the art of slowing down and noticing.
The Gift of Feeling in Parenting
This concept also applies to parenting. Often, how we feel about parenting generates guilt over what we say or don’t say to our children. How we relate to ourselves is much of what children learn from us beyond verbal instructions. Remember, most communication is non-verbal and children don’t come with pen and paper much less write and talk and fully understand verbally for some time.
Infantile amnesia is a phenomenon whereby most adults are unable to recall memories from the early years of their lives, typically before the age of three or four. This occurs because the brain’s memory systems are still developing during this period, making it difficult to form and retain long-term memories.
“Inside every feeling, there’s a message about what you need. And that message is a gift. “
Embracing Feeling for a Fulfilling Life
Problem-solving is about instructions. Being in the now is different. Black and white thinking which is common with Autism and ADHD, often leads to avoidance of feelings. Not all the time and that’s the paradox. We feel intensely, but not necessarily when others are wanting to connect. This takes some managing. And of course, it’s important to remember that Autism and also ADHD often travel with CPTSD which can exacerbate tendencies towards avoidance. It takes skills and practice and often professional help to embrace feelings against our “gut” tendency.
In conclusion, understanding and embracing our feelings can significantly improve our relationships and overall well-being. By practicing mindfulness and meditation, we can better differentiate between thinking and feeling, leading to a more fulfilling life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here’s some additional practice and information to help you develop self-compassion and manage relational wounds:
- Centering video
- ADHD & Treatment Options for Co-occurring conditions.
- Cultivating self-compassion
- Autogenic training for managing high stress
You can find other soundbites related to a somatic approach to healing here . Stay in tune with issues related to your well-being and mental health right here in the Urim Recovery Journal .
